The REAL Reason for Our Arrancar Numbers
by kitty8688kitty8688 the only
Summary: Do you wonder what the real reason is for their numbers? Then, this might be the story for you! First oneshot, and in one Arrancar POV. Although, all are in this oneshot.


**Title:** The _**REAL**_ Reason for Our Arrancar Numbers

**Rating:** M (to be safe); Curse words (Noitora mostly), very little violence, and some things mentioned that is sexual related.

**Type of Story:** BLEACH; Humor/General; _**ALL**_ Arrancars, but in Noitora's P.O.V

**Quick Summary:** It took me a LONG time to realize the true reasons for our numbers- and I wish I knew sooner before I decided to join this shi crew! ONESHOT, Noitora's P.O.V.

**Side Note:** If it is in _italics_, it means he is thinking/having thoughts. If any sentence has '', please read my end comments. And, it is Noitora's P.O.V because I thought he fits the most for such a shorty. This is my _**FIRST ONESHOT**_, so please be a little nice with comments… I know it's not one of the best stories, but it's not the worst of the worst… Also, excuse me for my lame humor- for I am not a funny person like my brother- but I try… At least give me credit for trying! ()

**Total Pages:** 10 (Really 11 if my comments are counted)

_**SPOLIER**_ For chapters 200+ (maybe even before then)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was walking through the endless halls of Las Noches-

"_Damn! Now I'm hungry for some nachos…_" I thought with misery attached to me.

Anyway, I am heading to my room for another personal interview- with myself… As soon as I reached my room, I closed my door behind me and locked the door. Like all of the other rooms of us Arrancars, it is white and dark- with only one window that had the moonlight shining through it. The only thing different about my room is that it is sound proof- thanks to Szayel, the 8th strongest….

"_I am the 5__th__ strongest Arrancar out of the 10- if only power was the __**true**__ reason of why I'm number 5… It took me a __**LONG**__ time to realize the true reasons for our numbers- and I wish I knew sooner before I decided to join this shitty crew! I had an option too… Well, better talk about it during my 'interview'._"

I went to the corner of my room, where my bed is and looked under it. Under it is my prized possession- my video camera. Why do I have a video camera? Because I like to record my whore and me doing 'it'---- okay, that is untrue… But, because I like to hear me talk about my horrible life here- and to share it with people whoever finds this video camera… Which would be a 1/1000 chance of that…

"_Oh well…_"

I set up the video camera and sit in the same chair that I always sit in when I talk about my life. Once the camera came on, I was ready to talk about the biggest discovery than any other one.

"Hello again my camera… Today, I have decided to talk about something different… Instead of talking about the usual- about Halibel or about Aizen stupidass self to not realize I should be in a higher rank… But, today, I have a much more interesting topic to talk about… About my rank and the rest of the Arrancar ranks… I know I have talked about it before and probably mentioned every Arrancar's rank, but I never explained _**WHY**_ we are ranked like so in detail. For those of you watching, don't give me that shit that you know why we are ranked because you learned it from "Gin's Research Time"- because when we were born and our power level! You know what that explanation is? It is nothing but _**BULLSHIT**_!"

I get up from my seat and walk back to my bed to get a big piece of paper and pencil. I come back to my seat and sit in it.

"Let me draw a picture first of how we sit at meetings and such."

I draw a diagram and it looked something like this:

-----------05----------

06 ----------------04

07 ----------------03

08 ----TABLE----02

09 ----------------01

10 ----------------Gin/Tousen

---------Aizen---------

"Now… You know what number I am- right? Just in case you forgot, I am number 5. So, where do you think I sit? Since 5 is located at the top of the table, that is where I sit during breakfast, lunch, dinner, tea time, and meetings… To sit there is nothing but a pain in the ass for me! Before I'll get into detail about our numbers- the true reason for our current ordered form… I'll give you a chance to think about it… I will give you- or whoever is going to watch this video- exactly 5 minutes to think about the answer for our true numbers. In other words, I am giving you a chance to think about it… If you're too lazy to think, then just fast forward the 5 minutes to hear my answer…"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_EXACTLY 5 MINUTES LATER…_

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Figured it out? No? Figures, I guess you're too much of a dumbass to figure it out on your own…! Wait, I take that back… I don't want to lose your interest of my video… Sorry about that then… Anyway, the real reason for our numbers is quite simple once you think about it…"

I point to the number 10 on the piece of paper.

"Let's start with the 10th strongest Arrancar- Yammy. The real reason why he is number 10 is because he talks to damn much! Now, if he talks to damn much while he is fighting- how much do you think he talks during meals time and such!? A whole fucking lot! It's like he is running water that won't turn off ever! And, you know how much Aizen hates being interrupted during meetings right? So, he is technically number 10 because he talks too much. And where else would he be at the table? Right next to Aizen of course! Since he is right next to him, he will obviously keep his mouth shut during meetings and meal times! So, why is he number 10 and not Stark? Well, Stark is a lazy ass and sleeps all the damn time! If he fell asleep in front of Aizen, Aizen would feel annoyed- and sick too. Why sick? Because he'll drool all over his precious table- and on Aizen himself… Which is why Stark is a later number… I'll get to him soon enough- don't rush your horses… I will now move on to number 9."

I point to the number 9 on the paper. And then, I hear the big bastards' mouth outside of my room.

"Who do you think you're talking too!? I'm the 10th Arrancar Yammy! How dare you talk to me like I'm lower rank then yourself!" Yammy said to some other Arrancar outside of my room.

"See what I mean? That Yammy can't keep his mouth shut for two seconds! He _needs_ to talk in order to feel strong! How pathetic! Anyway, the 9th strongest Arrancar is Aaroniero Arleri. You know, the guy with two heads swimming in a large fish tank type of thing? Yeah, that's Aaroniero Arleri. I'm going to call him AA for short- I can't remember such a long ass name anyway… You know how Yammy is a big talker right? Well, what kind of mayhem do you think he will cause if he was next to a talkative person? Obviously AA is not the talkative type and is very quiet at meetings. And, his face is always covered up anyway during meetings- which means Yammy has nobody to talk too during meetings. Now, Aizen would have made him number 10 instead of Yammy, but the guy is too creepy even for Aizen! And, since it is kind of dark in that area of where Aizen sits, it would creep him out if his mask was off… Showing those two floating heads making him look like some damn floating lantern thing from the 70's! HA! He should go out like that during- what is that human holiday called? Holloween…? He would be perfect to scare the shit out of kids! I know I would be rolling in laughter--- although I'm sure AA wouldn't like it… Well, since we're done with him, let's go to the next number- shall we?"

I point to number 8 on the paper.

"The 8th strongest is Szayel Aporro Grantz- or Szayel for short… Szayel is the guy with pink hair and a science genius- or should I say nutcase…? Either way, he has helped me in a few things that I don't even understand- so I shouldn't talk negative about him… Much… He is number 8 for one reason only--- he is the only guy that would sit next to AA! AA is creepy and he has two headings floating and all that shit! Szayel is a _nutcase scientist_ and would not be afraid of AA, but more amazed by his form! He would love to do experiments on him, but Aizen forbids him to do so since he is an Arrancar after all… Also, he is sitting there because Aizen wants to make sure he doesn't try to trick AA into his traps to experiment on him and all that… So, why isn't Szayel number 10 to be closer to Aizen? First of all, Szayel is just as creepy as AA. Aizen is afraid that he would turn _him_ pink, talk about scientific shit, or some other thing all together! And, Szayel isn't afraid to eat people… Aizen is afraid that Szayel would eat him… I would be too, that guy can trick you almost into anything since he is smart and all… This reminds me, since Yammy sits next to Aizen, he can't defeat Aizen or easily hurt him since he is the weakest of the group… Anyway, next one up is number 7."

I point to number 7 on the paper.

"Guess who number 7 is? Here's a clue, it's the lazy ass! You got it, it's Stark! At least, I believe Stark is number 7, or is it… I forget, but I'm positive that Stark is number 7… Anyway, the reason why he is number 7 is obvious. Since he sleeps most of the time, he is quiet during the whole meeting. Remember I mentioned about him drooling on Aizen and the table? Well, since he is further away from Aizen, he now has the privilege to sleep and drool without being scolded- much… Since he sleeps all the time, he can't be tricked by Szayel to be experimented… Believe me, Szayel has tried to experiment on Stark to figure out why he sleeps so much and how he sleeps… Usually, we Arrancars don't sleep- it's more like rest periods then sleep…. Also, Stark doesn't have to listen to any of Szayel scientific bullshit. Sometimes Stark is left alone to sleep, but usually, he would end up being forced to wake up due to the person next to him- number 6… Speaking of number 6, I will talk about him next…"

I point to number 6 on the paper.

"Now, here is where the shit begins… Number 6 is this guy with blue hair named Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. He has this jaw piece stuck on the right side of his face- you can't miss it for miles… Once you see him, you would either run and die by his hands or look at him once and then die by his hands… He looks like a laid back guy at first, but he is such an asshole that doesn't shut up either… Not as bad as Yammy, but still bad… Anyway, the real reason he is number 6 is because he can't get along with _anybody_. And when I say _anybody_, I mean that! He can't sit next to Yammy, because then they'll talk for miles and start arguing who is the strongest and all that. He can't sit next to AA, he would crush his fish tank because it looks 'annoying'. He _defiantly_ can't sit next to Szayel because he'll punch the guy's face in for talking too much that is making him look stupid and confused. He can't sit next to anyone else for—other reasons… I will get to those 'other' reasons soon… Anyway, the only guy left that he could sit next too was Stark. Since the guy sleeps and all, he is basically avoiding contact with Grimmjow. When Stark sleeps, where does his head go? On the table, which means his head is completely out of the way of Grimmjows view when Aizen is talking during meetings… However, Grimmjow sometimes hits the back of his head either out of boredom or because he interrupted his 'fun'… What do I mean by 'fun'? Well, it will all be clear once I talk about number 5--- me."

I still had the piece of paper in my hand, but I pointed at myself instead of the number 5 on the paper.

"I'm sure that you have looked at the 'map' long enough to know where I sit… Well, what kind of shit do you think I go through sitting there? I'll tell you- a whole lot! Even though I sit 'close' to Grimmjow- I am on better terms with him then the guy next to me… Well, I am number 5 because I am being used as a 'shield' between the hatred going on between number 6 and 4. Grimmjow hates number 4, Ulquiorra Schiffer, the _most_ then any other Arrancar in the whole white castle. And you know what, do you think that has stopped him from causing trouble at the table? Hell no! You see, let me explain my attire for a second."

I put the paper on the floor for a second and put both of my hands on my knees so that I can feel as comfortable as I can while explaining my anger.

"In the old days, before I became number 5- when the former number 3 was around, I wasn't wearing a hood in the shape of a spoon. You want to know why I have a hood in shape of a spoon now? Well, when Aizen isn't looking during meals- who you think is throwing food? Grimmjow! He quickly throws it across at Ulquiorra! Do you think _any_ of his throws hit Ulquiorra? No! Ulquiorra always quickly grabs me and uses my head as a shield. And then the food hits the back of my head, causing it to spill all into my hair! And then it takes me hours to wash it off! I have long hair you know- how long do you think it takes?! And then, Grimmjow would continue doing it and Ulquiorra would continue to use me as a shield. And then, one day I got the idea of the hood to be in shape of a spoon… When Grimmjow throws food at the table, it would hit the back of my hood and then slide down- also completely avoiding my hair! I completely avoid the hit altogether- or so I thought…"

I stopped for a moment to calm down my anger that I could feel boiling throughout my body.

"Now for my next weird attire… My pirate patched eye… Many believe I wear it just because I have a thing for pirates- you're off by a mile… The real reason is because of that damn Grimmjow! One day, he got sick of throwing _food_ at Ulquiorra and decided to do something new… He decided to throw a fork at Ulquiorra! Although he acted like he did it by accident by saying 'Opps' before it could 'land' on Ulquiorra! And you know what Ulquiorra did? He took my head and blocked the fork! However, instead of the _back_ of my head showing, the _front_ of my head was showing! And you know what happens next- the fork hits my eye and blinds me of course… My eye was beyond repair and could not be fixed back… I was so embarrassed by the damage of my eye that I decided to wear an eye patch over it… Now, technically it was my fault that the front of my head was showing… If only I wasn't looking at Haibel's cute ass when she was walking by me… I wouldn't have been hit… But damn, it was worth it for _that_ 'show'… I also ordered my subordinates to wear eye patches to make it look like I started some pirate thing… Even after that damn incident, Grimmjow continues to throw food and Ulquiorra continues to use me as a shield! I have tried hard to yell and complain about it, but it was always disregarded because that kissass Ulquiorra was involved! Although it seems that their behavior has 'deceased' a little- due to Stark drooling more than usual on Grimmjow…. I think I am done talking about myself… Although I should add in one more thing about myself… I was easily recruited to being number 5 because of that pain I have to deal with at the table… No wonder it was the only position not filled in yet! I wish Ulquiorra would just hit him back and stop being so afraid! Speaking of Ulquiorra, I am going to talk about him next…"

I sigh, pick up the paper from the floor, and point at the number 4 on the paper.

"Well, I have somewhat explained why he is number 4- mainly because Grimmjow and Ulquiorra hate each others guts! But also, because he is a kissass to Aizen! In other words, very loyal to him… He neither would ever look at anyone else being higher then Aizen nor look at anything else with as much significance… This is also the reason he would be seated next to Haibel. He will not go 'ga ga' over her nor would he try to get with her. And, since he is not talkative at all, neither is Haibel. So, they get along just fine without getting on each other's nerves and all… I swear though, I think Ulquiorra has some serious issues to work out! He doesn't look at women with some kind of affection, he doesn't show any type of expressions, and he doesn't take a break once in a while! He's a tightass all over! He must have been seriously abused by women when he was a human- that could explain his emotionless personality! So, why isn't Ulquiorra seated next to Aizen since he is so loyal- as number 10? Well, for one, he is very loyal yes, but that would annoy Aizen too. Ulquiorra would probably stare at Aizen the whole time without blinking- as if he is some kind of beautiful woman!"

I shudder at the thought of Aizen being a woman.

"Man! I will never look at him again if that was true…!" I said out loud when I met to say it to myself in my thoughts.

"Anyway, Aizen doesn't mind loyalty, but he does mind privacy! Ulquiorra would probably follow him all around the building if he was that close to him! And, he would probably get all touchy if you know what I mean… I mean, come on, the guy must be G-A-Y! He has no interest in woman at all! I feel sorry for him--- then again, not really… Now, to my favorite Arrancar of all time- number 3!"

I point at the number 3 on the paper and I sigh with such relief. I felt relaxed and I wanted to somehow find that Arrancar to talk too.

"My personal favorite Arrancar, number 3- Haibel! Well, before I get into 'detail' about her… Let me talk about the former number 3 Arrancar- Neliel Tu Oderschvank. Nell for short- so much easier for me to say anyway! Anyhow, the real reason why I hated her is because she didn't look cute enough for me. But, when I heard Haibel was not too far away from being ranked as number 3, I _had_ to get rid of her somehow! Haibel isn't really the 'violent' type or jealous type. So, naturally she would do nothing to make herself be number 3. But, since I have an interest for Haibel, I have decided to take matters into my own hands. Let's just say that Nell didn't end up being number 3 the whole time..! Now, Haibel… Once she became number 3, I have tried to talk to her… She is a tightass too, but she use to not be like that as much… I think Ulquiorra had something to do with that… Damn him!"

I yelled as I crumpled the paper a little out of frustration. I fix it as fast as I could.

"Sorry about that… Anyway, Haibel is quiet, beautiful, and powerful! I have nothing against her as you can see that I haven't started a fight with her…! Anyway, she talks to me a little more 'friendlier' then that Nell ever did- even though I never had an interest for her… I kind of already mentioned why she is number 3… But, I guess another reason is because I would go 'ga ga' over her and talk to her a lot during meetings… Damn Aizen, he knows me too well…"

I put the paper down on the floor.

"As for the other two numbers left, you don't really need to know anything about them- except that they are quiet and loyal to Aizen- but not as much as Ulquiorra… Now, I have one more explanation before I end my 'interview'… There is one more fact I forgot to mention… Based on our personalities and how loyal we're going to be to Aizen has something to do with our numbers too. Numbers 10-6 are the ones that are _**NOT**_ as loyal to Aizen and do whatever the hell they feel like doing! Also, they are not called as much to do missions. This is why Szayel has his own lab, why Stark gets to sleep a lot during and after meetings, why Grimmjow wondered off to fight that Shinigami, and so on. I guess you can say that I am in this category, but I follow Aizen orders. It's just that I don't agree to them as much… As for the numbers 4-1, they are the _**MOST**_ loyal to Aizen and don't get to do whatever they desire as much. They are also called the most to do missions. This is why Ulquiorra is called a lot for missions- and why he is such as tightass, Haibel is quiet most of the time and is also a tightass, and so on. I guess you can say I am in this category too- but I'm not a tightass…"

I sigh in happiness.

"Ah Haibel… I will be close to you yet! I will become the new number 4 so that I can sit next to you! I will have to do more missions and stuff, but it would be so much more worth it then the constant fight going on between number 6 and current 4! They can sit next to each other and kill each other with a fork for all I care! Although, Aizen will never let that happen because he knows me too well… Damn him!!"

I stomp my foot in frustration. And then it faded as thoughts of Haibel flowed in my mind.

"So what… At least I have you to wash away my troubles Haibel… Man, with those breasts of yours and your big cute ass… I can go on forever… And then there's-"

I continue to talk about Haibel, and I kept doing it even when a lot of reiatsu's were near my door on the outside. I was so engulfed with my fantasies with Haibel that I didn't feel their reiatsu's.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OUTSIDE NOITORA'S ROOM/DOOR

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Most of the Arrancars were there- from number 10-3- skipping Noitora himself. Grimmjow was actually the first to arrive at his door before the others came.

"What the fuck are _you_ _all_ doing here?" Grimmjow asked finally.

"I'm here because I have this feeling that I am being talked about in a bad way." Ulquiorra replied.

The rest of them agreed as they nodded their heads in unison.

"Che! That's funny! When was the last time we all thought something was up at the same time? Anyhow, I was here first and I deserve to throw the first punch in his face! I don't know why, but I had a feeling that he said some really bad things about me." Grimmjow said as he pounded his fist into his other hand.

He looks at the crowd and was surprised to find Stark there.

"What the fuck?! Even _you're_ here?! It must be the end of the world if you're up and about!" Grimmjow mocked.

"Well, usually I don't care what is going on, but this felt different compared to other things…" Stark replied.

"Look… We all want to bash Noitora in the head for no 'reason'… Or proof I rather say… But, we all can't do it alone… So, we'll break his door at the same time and then we all beat him up at the same time." Haibel suggested.

Everyone agreed to her plan- even Grimmjow.

"On the count of 10! 10… 9-"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

INSIDE NOITORA'S ROOM

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was still talking about these fantasies with Haibel, not even aware of their plan to come hurt me. I stopped for a second and was about to turn off the camera, but then I heard this loud bang come from my door. Or, the bang that came from my door being blasted open. I look at my door entrance- now with no door. Waiting for the smoke to clear, I see numbers 10-3 by my doorframe! I looked at them with surprise and suspicions.

"What the fuck?! What are you guys doing in my room?! And, what did you do to my door?!" I yelled.

Grimmjow was the first to reply- with a face expression that I was all too familiar with. He pounded his hand into his other hand and smirked.

"I think you know what we are doing here!" Grimmjow said as his smirk widened.

"I-I thought my room was sound proof Szayel!" I yelled nervously at the pink haired Arrancar.

"It is. However, by the tone of your voice and your anxiety level- I believe that what we think went on in here really happened. Since you are trying very hard to defend yourself." Szayel said calmly.

I remember my face going pale for a second. Instead of waiting for them to make the first move, I pulled out my giant scythe with the two crescent moons design.

"_Damn! I forgot to talk about my weapon and about everyone else's… All well…_" I thought as I stood in my fighting pose.

"_I know I won't get out of this with a win--- but at least I'll be alive…_ _And, I sure as hell won't stand here without a decent fight!_" I thought as I smirked and as everyone charged at me with different face expressions on their faces.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**AUTHOR'S COMMENTS/NOTES**

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Liked it? Well, at least leave a comment to let me know what you thought- good or bad is fine… Sorry about the diagram too- it probably didn't come out right here... Oh well... Now, I mentioned some things in this story that probably didn't make sense. Let's go over them real quick- shall we?

1) Gin's Research Time- It is a quick 25-40 second video that features Gin. He basically teaches you a few things about the Arrancars. I believe there are 4-5 videos on him. Although, in one video, Touzen takes over and Gin is--- just not there… You can easily find these videos on YouTube. I suggest you watch all of them- for they are quite humorous--- to me…

2) Stark being number 7- Well, there is _**NO PROOF**_ of this right now… I can only make a guess. I believe he is number 7. But then again, I only made him number 7 just to make him fit well into my story. Sorry about the confusion for that- and don't say that I didn't warn you about it… His number has not been introduced in the Manga series yet… You may try looking yourself if you want- but you will not find any real proof…

3) Haibel being number 3- Same thing like Stark- there is no hard evidence of her number… However, I believe it is possible that she is number 3 because she could be the one that replaced Nell (who was the former 3rd Arrancar). Again, there is no hard evidence of her being number 3. Although, if she is number 3, her position would fit perfectly in this story! Sorry again about the confusion for that- and don't say that I didn't warn you about it… Her number has not been introduced in the Manga series yet… You may try looking yourself if you want- but you will not find any real proof… Only guesses…

Well, hope you enjoyed my first oneshot! If you enjoyed it, then expect more oneshots from me soon! My next oneshot will concern Haibel this time- and in her POV…? I don't know when I will work on it, but please check my profile daily about such information! Thanks for reading!

From,

kitty8688/kitty8688theonly

Page **13** of **13**


End file.
